how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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