I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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