life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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