Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Randomize
