I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
