My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
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I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
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I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
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