I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize