I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
