what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Damn victory sex feels great
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
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