Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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