Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
