You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
