I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
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