Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
