if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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