do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
Welp...herpes.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
