My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
