Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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