This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
