So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
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Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
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I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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