Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
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