I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
I think we might need a safe word for this...
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
