you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
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