Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
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