why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
