one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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