Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
