Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
