Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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