Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
