I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
