How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Randomize
