How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
His nipple licking is glorious
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