oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
