At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
