we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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