i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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