her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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