i already hear my dad disowning me
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
