we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
