I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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