Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
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