YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
