... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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