i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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