you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Randomize
