It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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