Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Randomize
