Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
