I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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