if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
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