I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
