your room smells of hookers.
And success
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Randomize
