but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Randomize
