Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
