just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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