so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
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new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
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Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
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