he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
