Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
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